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Yet · another · foolish · endeavor
Who really keeps a journal?
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So, three (count them 3) of my eight coworkers have lost a close family member in the last three weeks. What the hell? One of them is my boss, by the way. Being his assistant manager, I am suddenly responsible for even more than I already was, what with him being gone for God only knows how long (he's a momma's boy, he's very broken up, he actually said he doesn't know when he'll be ready to come back). Huzzah! Actually, I shouldn't complain. I wanted the chance to prove that I was management material, right? Mostly, I'm just nervous. I'm waiting for a member of my family to be taken from me. I'm seriously trying not to, but I feel like there's a cloud hanging over the collective head of me and my coworkers, just waiting to open up on someone. I'm refusing to allow myself to obsess over it, but it's there. Despite all this, I am actually getting some real honest-to-goodness writing done this morning. I've discovered that the creative juices do not flow when I only get 3-4 hours of sleep, but I slept like a log last night. Hence, writing! Yay! Chapter 6 may actually happen, after all. Between the sleep and the feelings of accomplishment, I think this might actually be a good day. |
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I haven't slept, not good sleep, in weeks. It's four hours here, another five hours there, usually broken with bad dreams (or, last night, with two cats fighting outside my window). My plan, then, was to drink this bottle of Argentinian Malbec wine until I basically passed out, because wine makes me sleepy and I need sleep almost as much as I need a million dollars. Well. It half-worked. I've drunk a significant portion of the Malbec. Unfortunately, not feeling significantly sleepy. *sigh* My sleep, and myself, I must consider a lost cause...
I'm Feeling:: |
 drunk | |
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I'm using the pub/inn from Chapter 3 again, while writing Chapter 6. Wonder if anyone looked up the name of the establishment and knows where I got it? (It was Dwynwen and Potion, if you're wondering.) In other words, I'm officially at work on Chapter 6. Roommate is doing better, back to school, probably back to work tomorrow night. Missing her dad with gut-wrenching grief, obviously, but at least she's been eating dinner the last few nights. I feel comfortable leaving her alone while I write, which is good in some ways, but not in others. I've been wanting to write, obviously. But I still have no bloody idea where the boys are going to go when they move away from London. *sigh* Also, I posted my first book review on my blog. So, yay. AND I finally unpacked the last box in my room. I've lived here for nearly three months, and I got fed up with the boxes on the floor. So I broke down, went to Walmart and got their most ghetto little shelving unit, and threw everything from the boxes on it. It was unfortunate that one of the boxes contained a journal I forgot about. I was writing in it while I was engaged to this . . . this . . . this GUY, and I didn't remember the journal, so I started reading it today while I was unpacking. Yuck. I puked. Then I threw the journal away, which did not make me feel as good as if I had a place to burn it. Anyway . . . chapter 6 . . . |
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Super-exciting news! Your *cough,cough* favourite fanfiction author is about to become a classy book reviewer! I got roped into doing this as a contribution to someone's website, but I am all set up with my very own blog. I will be reviewing books in the fantasy genre, hopefully one a week, for the foreseeable future. Check it out here, and leave comments that contribute to my credibility! Love you all!
I'm Feeling:: |
 excited | |
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Might take me a while. Chapter 5 is finished and posted, but I have some problems going on IRL. My roommate's father suffered a massive stroke over the weekend and there was no hope for him. Because he had a very specific will, and because he trusted my roommate so much, she is the one who made the decision to take him off life support—even though he has a wife and she is the youngest of her siblings, it was up to her. This whole thing was a complete shock—he didn't have health problems, and suddenly there was a blood clot on his brain stem. Needless to say, this is a very bad week for her. Myself and her close friend (also a friend of mine) are sort of trying to make sure one or both of us is at the house with her whenever possible. Just to watch the telly with her and listen when she needs to talk, or whatever else she needs. She's trying to work on funeral arrangements, and even though she won't be at school much this week, she doesn't want to drop the semester. Anyway, that is my announcement. I won't have a lot of time for writing this week, so the next chapter will probably be a good two weeks from now. To get back to the world of fiction . . . Any questions on the story? Any comments? This is the place to carry on a conversation! Also, feel free to comment wherever you like, on whatever you want, even if my entry has nothing to do with stories. It's a public journal, so I don't care.
I'm in:: |
my room |
I'm Feeling:: |
 distressed | |
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You know who's super smexy? Fai. 
Especially VAMPIRE Fai with the eyepatch.  
Hawt. Kinda too bad he's not, y'know, REAL . . .
I'm Feeling:: |
 lonely | |
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I don't know where to send my main characters . . . I really like the idea of Switzerland, but I will be using native folklore in the story, and I am going to find Swiss faerie tales nearly impossible to work with. Traditional English/Celtic mythology would work best, but I don't think it's going to work as far as events tied in to the actual relocation of the characters . . . the U.S.A. suits both mythology and distance, but I don't want them to go to the U.S.! It's boring, standard fare for fanfiction. Grrrrrrr. Also, I've begun to see the insidious side of fanfiction in my own life. I knew it had its bad traits already, just from all the reading I do. But there really isn't anybody to stop me if I have a bad idea and write it down. Which is Not Good, because I have a nagging plot bunny that the world just shouldn't be subjected to. Harry Potter wakes up, realises his entire life was a dream, and must accept reality, in which Neville Longbottom is a Slytherin, Harry is a werewolf, and he and Severus Snape are fuck buddies . . . Like I said, the realm of fanfiction has a dark side, and it is the lack of anyone to hold me back from inflicting this on people. Something is seriously wrong with me. Must . . . write . . . original . . . fiction . . .*gasps, succumbs to nefarious mind control* Fuck buddies it is, then. God help you all.
I'm in:: |
my bedroom |
I'm Feeling:: |
geeky |
I'm Listening To:: |
Ziggy Stardust :) | |
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Totally forgot I had this thing . . . Reading through some of my old entries was less a trip down memory lane and more of a laugh riot, but that's what I get for having a funny life. I'm sure there are things I could talk about right now, updates on my life I could share. But I doubt anyone is still around who cares, since it's been a year since I posted here. Currently, I'm just pissed at my younger brother. I'm waiting around at his house, because we're driving over to our older brother and sister-in-law's place to chillax and watch "The Big Bang Theory." But he's not here, because he's a boogerface. Recently, he was at Guitar Centre, and said he was almost home. That was half an hour ago . . . Grrr. Perhaps I shall post things about my fanfiction work soon. I get the feeling that if I start using this again, it will be for that reason. Yay fanfiction! I'm such a nerd. SUCH a nerd. I actually used Harry Potter swear words in my head when I got pissed off in traffic yesterday. I used Merlin's name in vain. I need to get off that site and get a fucking life. |
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If you've never read this, then do it. It's a great article. Great website, too, though not for the faint of heart. This is quite possibly the most serious article they've ever produced. Cracked.com: 7 Reasons the 21st Century is Making you Miserable
I'm Feeling:: |
 contemplative |
I'm Listening To:: |
the television in the other room | |
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Does the fact that a fruity drink, a beer, and three glasses of wine no longer get me more than pleasantly relaxed mean I'm an alcoholic, or just that I'm learning to hold my liquor?
I'm Feeling:: |
calm |
I'm Listening To:: |
Everyone Knows Everyone - The Secret Handshake | |
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Update:
The clotted cream just tastes like a slightly sour butter. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, since I like butter on scones.
The wine, which is a petite sirah, is shite. The label is the only good thing about it. Damnable California wines. Give me an Oregon or a Chilean any day.
But I do love my little cafe' glasses with the Irish postage stamp motif. As soon as I'm through with my self-imposed month of no caffeine, I will drink Irish coffee out of them. |
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I wish I knew how to make icons. I don't. Thus, my LJ remains boring. |
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I haven't had two whole days off in a row since . . . I can't remember the last time that happened. Of course, five days a week is still better than six or seven, but my two days off are never at the same time. Having both Friday and Saturday this weekend has been AMAZING. I didn't even have that much laundry to do, so once that was done, I had the whole weekend free. I got to read, and write, and cross-stitch, and watch a marathon of House reruns while I wait for the new season to start, and watch TWO movies, and play with the dog, and explore a new grocery store that's opened up in my neighborhood. How awesome is that? I also went and hung out at the Tempe Marketplace, which is a huge outdoor mall with beautiful landscaping and a concert stage for free concerts all the time. I have discovered a great pizza place, great philly cheesesteak sandwiches, and great smoothies, as well as a Hot Topic that is way less cramped than the one I'm used to (I bought the most awesome suspenders—black, with bright green skulls and shamrocks printed on them). It also has Cost Plus World Market, where I found awesome cafe' glasses for Irish coffee (I didn't have enough money for them), Butter Rum almonds, real Devonshire cream, and the coolest looking wine label ever, even though I didn't have the money to buy the wine and see if it's any good. It was a great weekend for the most part. I did not, though I meant to, get to a sewing store to get sewing pins, which I need before I can start cutting out the pieces for my Halloween costume. (Which is going to rock, by the way, besides being really cheap. I only need a couple more things, and I've only spent about $25.00 on it so far.) I can't wait for Halloween. My brother and his wife throw a really good party, and he has a PRE-Halloween party a few days beforehand to carve jack-o-lanterns to line up on the driveway. Last year, I had a cannibalistic pumpkin eating a smaller pumpkin. This year, I plan to have a screaming, crying pumpkin with the carving knife sticking into the hole cut out of the top, with painted blood running down around the "incision." Hey. Why are you backing up like that? Do I make you nervous or something? Anyway, it's been fun to have the time off. I'm going to shut up now and get back to writing, since I've moved up to twice-weekly updates for the story. And because I have some new ideas that I'm trying to get a start on so I can post them as completed works once I'm done with the current series. I don't even know why I'm posting here. I had to tell someone how good the cheesesteaks at the Tempe Marketplace are.
I'm Feeling:: |
 energetic |
I'm Listening To:: |
Basshunter!!! | |
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Sometimes, people pass in and out of your life and hardly leave a ripple in their wake. Customers and clients, servers at restaurants, the next one in line at the store . . . you hardly get the opportunity to know them, spending mere moments in their presence, but these small meetings build up into the crusty layer around you that is your mistrust and lack of faith in humanity. We all have this scummy buildup on us, it’s hardly anything to be ashamed of. In fact, we all have our worse days, in which we are the cause of other people losing hope. Then again, sometimes we meet a person who is destined to be more. It happens so rarely that it would hardly be worth mentioning, except that it happened to me. It happened one day at a church, during a college service I attended for such a short period of my life that I never thought I’d meet anyone who would mean so much to me. But there I ran into the girl who’s become the closest friend and confidante I could have asked for, if I had but known it was possible to ask for such a thing. She has maintained a beautiful soul in the face of adversity I could never dream of being strong enough to deal with. And while my cynical nature speaks to the thickness of the bitter crust on my life, my interaction with this courageous and extraordinary young woman chips away at that filth as quickly as it builds up. We no longer live near each other, but still she manages to touch me every time I receive a letter from her. She is unashamed to be optimistic, and it is so rare to find that kind of real hope and joy that I cannot help but be impressed. Her latest letter to me filled me with a strange mingling of joy and sorrow. She remains my beautiful friend, but I see her crust steadily thickening, and I don’t know how to respond. I couldn’t muse on the topic better than she, nor with such eloquence of simplicity, so here I have transcribed a portion of the letter (with her permission). It begins with her musings on what it was like during the historical time period before ballpoint pens and college ruled note paper, when writing a letter was an expensive adventure (obviously this is romanticising things a bit, which she freely admits). Then she moves on. “While I would not trade the freedom of this time . . . for anything, there is a deep part of me that longs for the things of past years. “One of those things I long for is the ‘decency’ of humanity. Maybe I’m just daft or something, but I find the way that we as humans treat each other is really starting to bother me more and more . . . the older you get the more you see. The façade of humanity that I once clung to is slowly chipping away and I feel like a child that has lost its security blanket. And ‘lost’ isn’t even a strong enough word—‘stolen’ seems more fitting . . . it’s just that my heart cries out day after day for something different and better. I understand what you man when you say that God has put us here to be the difference in this world, but sometimes I wonder if it even makes a difference. I know that it does, but I am jarred by the growing distance between us as humans. It makes me think of Babel, and how the people of the earth were forcibly ripped from one another. They could no longer communicate. But today, even with all the ways we as humans can talk, it seems that we are growing further apart in heart. Even families now seem more like fragments or ill-fitting puzzle pieces. I just want to serve the world . . . For even as ‘hard’ as my life has been and as ‘down’ as I get sometimes, I have been very blessed. I just want others to know that they can have the same thing—that they don’t have to be miserable, that they don’t have to settle; they can make the world and their life a better place. Listen to me; what a dreamer I am! But no matter how much I try to ‘come to terms’ with reality, there is this small spark in me that will not be quieted.” So, this is the question I have after reading her letter several times through—will her feeble spark last? Will it be enough to continue rekindling my faith in humanity, or is this some inevitable dwindling of emotional fire that we both are going through just as everyone else in the world has experienced, a dwindling that must necessarily end with the spark being extinguished? Her thoughts are beautifully depressing, but somehow the depression is inspirational, for it inspires me to work harder to keep her faith alive. It’s the only way I know for sure my own will survive.
I'm Feeling:: |
contemplative |
I'm Listening To:: |
Dropkick Murphys | |
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On ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) mananath's advice: You know how sometimes people on your friend's list post about stuff going on in their life, and all of a sudden you think "Wait a minute? Since when are they working THERE? Since when are they dating HIM/HER? since when???" And then you wonder how you could have missed all that seemingly pretty standard information, but somehow you feel too ashamed to ask for clarification because it seems like info you *should* already know? It happens to all of us sometimes.
Please copy mine below, erase my answers putting yours in their place then post it in your journal! Please elaborate on the questions that would benefit from elaboration! One-Word-Answers seldom help anyone out :)
1. First Name: Honestly? Bethany. Later in life? Faren. 2. Age: Early twenties 3. Location: Phoenix, AZ, for the moment. 4. Occupation: Currently the assistant manager of the Barnes & Noble Cafe' (which we refer to as the "Lead"). 5. Partner?: No. Like I was saying to my buddy Matt the other night, I don't know how I went through all of college and several career choices without finding one of these. I date from time to time, but no "partner." Is it my selfishness? My tendency to distance myself? Am I just subconsciously trying to wait until I settle down somewhere (assuming this will ever happen)? Anyway, no. 6. Kids: Likely not. I just couldn't handle that responsibility, plus I don't know how I feel about bringing more people into an already overpopulated planet when there are tons of kids already here who are desperate for someone to care about them. If I start to regret not having kids when I'm too old to bear them, I'll look into adoption or foster care. 7. Brothers/Sisters: Two brothers, who are a huge part of my life and quite possibly my two favourite people ever. 8. Pets: My parents just got a puppy, which I suppose is also mine, for now. I want to live somewhere that will allow me to own a horse and a large dog. They can keep each other company when I'm not home. 9. List the 3-5 biggest things going on in your life:1) Writing. My writing is constantly developing and maturing into something I wouldn't feel embarrassed to present to the world. I have so many different projects going on there that I can hardly keep track of them all, which is likely the reason I haven't finished any of them. But this is incredibly important to me, so I never give up. I just never counted on how much research I'd have to do to write even something as simple as a contemporary novel set in places I've been to. 2) Work/money issues. I want to hold out for a promotion, at which point I could actually support myself, but I don't know how long I can juggle the finances to wait. I keep a calendar of when I'm going to pay which bill for a full month in advance so I can't accidentally spend the money ahead of time. Plus gas prices keep rising. 3) Trying to figure out where I want to spend the rest of my life. I know it's not Arizona. I just don't know where it is. I want to spend some time exploring Scotland and Ireland, because every picture and every story I'm exposed to from that area touches me deeply, and I get the feeling that's where I'm meant to be. I just need the time and money to discover the right place. I may end up in Boston for a little while first. Depends on a lot of things. 4) My future goals in life, and attaining them. No matter where I end up, I want some very specific things out of life. I'm constantly trying to figure out how to get them. They include more schooling and owning a business, which is going to take all my energy and years of my life. I have too many balls to juggle, so I just end up staring at the balls on my shelf collecting dust and thinking about juggling. 5) Friendships, or what makes my entire life worth it. All the stresses and anxieties that I feel about the issues above just fade into the background when I'm around the people I enjoy and even love. I know how to have a good time, and I try to fill my life up with meaningful connections. Taking a vacation from work just to devote to my best friend, going on a camping trip with some of my other friends . . . I take my relationships seriously. 10) College. Oh, boy. Graduated with a B.A. in English a year ago, and am currently enrolled in two summer classes at a community college. Because I can't stop. I need a Master's Degree. I'll probably attain it and find out I won't be satisfied until I have my Ph.D. in something. 11) Parents? Still the same ones I've always had. They're coming up on their thirtieth wedding anniversary, which is something I took for granted as a child, but I didn't expect and wouldn't have guessed a few years ago. I don't always like them, but I always love them. 12) Who are some of your closest friends?: Oddly enough, none of them use LiveJournal. LJ is kind of a relic nowadays, I think. But I'm lucky enough to have had several years with my closest friends all here together. In a month, you're going to find me deeply melancholy when one of them moves far away.
I'm Feeling:: |
calm | |
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The Irish Literature class I'm taking this summer is doing something to me. I went and found the best store ever, the Irish Gift Shop, and walked out with traditional Irish bangers, black currant jam, and (I hear the Hallelujah Chorus) Bewley's loose leaf tea. So now my family loves and adores me, for last night they feasted on bangers & mash for dinner, and we finished off with a pile of scones, clotted cream (which I personally made), jam, and pot of tea. I love cooking. I'm going to take a bunch of scones to work because for some reason, when I decide I want to make food, I made a lot of it. I have 3 dozen scones, minus what we ate last night. I also sent a little care package to my brother & sister-in-law consisting of a package of bangers, some potatoes, and the leftover onion gravy. If only I'd had massive amounts of beer to serve with dinner, it would almost seem authentic . . . |
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If one more person slaps a hand on my back, they will die. I will kill them.
There is a big fucking scab there, stupid! What do you THINK 4 hours at the tattoo parlour feels like?!
I'm Feeling:: |
 angry | |
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I has a tattoo!
Well, I has an outline of a tattoo. Come the 23rd, I will has a REAL tattoo.
I'm Feeling:: |
excited | |
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I gots a new haircut. It's dead sexy. I don't have any good pictures of it yet, though. Sad face. |
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I have now been drunk enough to puke. I've been drunk before, but never enough to throw up. But vomit I did, and profusely, this past 3 of the clock. So much alcohol . . . I'm not ever doing that again. I'm a little fuzzy on the details, but I definitely asked my coworker to kiss me, definitely pretended to molest an inflatable football referee, and definitely attempted to learn Irish Gaelic. I say fuzzy on the details because I don't remember what my coworker's answer was, what happened to the referee, or a single word of the Gaelic that I supposedly picked up. I do remember that the host of the party still had Halloween decorations in her bathroom, so I'll cling to that as proof that I was sober enough to at least be trying to pay attention to my surroundings. One of my managers was at this party. I don't want to go back to work. However, due to the vomiting, I have no hangover, so at least I can go to work without being miserable.
I'm in:: |
discomfort |
I'm Feeling:: |
awake |
I'm Listening To:: |
none | |
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